Excerpted from Reflections From the Editor
Living With Loss Magazine: Hope & Healing for the Body, Mind & Spirit, Summer 2008
by Carla Blowey
As Memorial Day approaches and we salute our military men and women who have lost their lives in service of our our country, let us not forget that the months of May and June are an emotionally loaded time for all our bereaved companions who have said goodbye to a mother, father or child. For the bereaved, Mother's Day and Father's Day are "trigger days" that threaten to unleash a stampede of pent-up feelings and memories about our deceased parents and children. We may feel pressured by family customs and society's expectations to observe a holiday that can feel contrived even if we had a good relationship with our loved one.
What may have been a joyful observance is now bittersweet as the memories etched deep upon our soul materialize in the sights, sounds and smells before us. For others, the memories of unresolved or still bitter relationships with the deceased are carried with a heavy heart. Hallmark sentiments fall short of the reality of most relationships. I think it's important as a companion to recognize the broad spectrum in regard to those losses. Please offer the gift of your understanding and your quiet loving presence this month to those who are missing their parents or precious child.
For me, the time between May 1st and July 1st, include not only Mother's Day and Father's Day but also the date of both of my parent's deaths, and my father and my son's birthdays. My oldest daughter's birthday falls two days after my father's birthday and it feels bittersweet right now. It's a double blow reconciling the loss of my past and my future, and sometimes, my stamina to do so is in question. It's no surprise that I don't give a flip about my birthday by the time July 1st arrives! No matter, after last year's birthday, I am 49 forever.
The GOOD NEWS is that I can choose how, when, where or IF I even want to observe these "power days". The calendar says I'll be observing May 1st, the one-year anniversary of my father's death and transition while attending my daughter's varsity soccer game. The weather forecast for that day is "partly sunny with a slight chance of rain and snow showers in the morning and a slight chance of rain showers in the afternoon". Sounds like a metaphor for the emotional climate whirling in my heart. It will be what it will be.
I have a sense though that if I show up ready, open and willing to receive whatever the day presents, I'll be blessed with the presence of my parents and my precious son beside me on the sidelines, cheering loudly for us all to achieve our goals.
Love, is truly the answer.
© 2008 Carla Blowey
editor@livingwithloss.com
www.livingwithloss.com
Carla
The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.