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This is part 2 in a series in re-defining giving.
Part 3 will be some creative small-dollar but high value gifting concepts, websites, stories. It will be posted November 24. Part 1 discussed how cross pollination between the for-profit/donor sector and the non-profit/charity sector needs to be more evident.
This is a deceptively simple answer: We're giving to ourselves, once or twice removed. Two-three paychecks away. One disastrous accident or act of violence away. One traumatic birth away. One lost pet away.
And a little deeper...one moment or familial rage away.
None of us are that far from deep spaces of despair, drought-of-soul, bone-weary turns of fate.
There is usually nothing in our lives to prepare us for these quicksands. They come unannounced to the doors of our hearts. And it is usually only from the love and support of our families and communities that we survive the physical, financial and emotional trauma that ensues.
It's in those times that we know that we are communal animals, and that we are not meant to live isolated and falsely-secure lives. We are inter-dependent at best.
Our hearts are naturally opened by seeing other humans or animals maltreated, malnourished, suffering. This may be because we know on a primal level that the survival and safety needs of Maslow's hierarchy are in part communal responsibilities.

Gifting is about exchange. There needs to be a mutuality--not in kind, but in spirit. If there is not such mutuality, the giver is placed in a position of giving-to the receiver. This has caused all kinds of mischief in our culture, including the dependence of the institutionalized poor who expect to be taken care of and non-profits that expect to be given to to support their good work.
International giving can become even trickier, as we're inserting ourselves into systems that we don't understand. This gifting, if not highly evolved can cause more ill-will than help fix any problem (that old law of unintended consequences).
When we give to individuals in need, or charities/non-profits, we're giving to our future or past selves, or to those we love who have been touched by similar suffering. Giving internationally, our hearts are often broken open by seeing children malnourished, homeless, refugees from systems in which they are pawns. We're giving to make the world a safer, better place for those who are struggling more than we are, at least for this moment.
In short, we're giving from our best and strongest selves to the weaker and more vulnerable parts of ourselves.
Making sure that our gifting is based in exchange is the contra-intuitive answer to the question of who we are really giving to. Part 3 of this series will focus on how to make this mutality/exchange be the currency of giving.
Most of us don't really like the term 'charity'. It feels like there's rank and privilege in the woodpile, an inequity of sorts. And we don't like receiving 'charity' for the same reasons. What could be a word we would use to describe this conscious giving, this paying it forward or backward, this exchange with other parts of ourselves, our ancestors and our communities?
It might be as simple as the term 'love'.
Rescued pitbull. Her teeth had been pulled out, among other atrocities.
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...or at least all in one spot.
My new online friend Billy Hammett's blog is Publexicon. He has just posted the first in a series of writing tips. Billy was a professor of writing for twenty years, so he knows whereof he speaks. The tips made me smile, so I'm sharing them. Here are a few of the tips that went 'yeah!'

--When you get a rejection slip, correct it for errors in grammar, spelling and usage. It will boost your ego. --Make up fifty words that don’t exist—but should. --Pay attention to your thoughts while you shave, stand in line, clean fish, etc. You can learn more from life than reading books on creating believable plots and interesting characters. --Buy a how-to book and throw darts at it so you don’t take rules too seriously. --Talk back to the people on TV (preferably when no one else is in the house). This will give you attitude, first cousin to narrative style. --Turn the sound off altogether on TV (editorial note: or a movie!) and make up your own dialogue. --Always record or photograph graffiti. It will give you insight into the human psyche. --Collect one piece of junk a week and write about it. --Go to yard sales and observe the dregs of other people’s lives.
Read the rest of the story-in-the-making here
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Visit for a plethora of poems about the November 16 prompt: courage
Competing in triathlons
she is an inspirational speaker.
Climbing mountains
she plays guitar and sings beautifully.
Living alone
she laughs at herself
stays positive, serene and connected.
While describing the autumn sky to her
somehow she knows that particular quality of blue better than I ever will.
Unassuming, she captures our hearts.
Blind since birth
she helps us see.
Written in honor of a new friend, Nancy S. who moved into the Central Oregon community less than 6 months ago and already has more friends than you can shake a stick at. Nancy and Koko, her chocolate lab side-kick, go everywhere together. Nancy's an amazing presence (Koko's not too shabby herself!) and we're honored to have them both in our lives.
One Single Impression is a community of poets writing and sharing haiku and other poetic forms. Each week a prompt is offered to our muses to see what they cook up! Please visit the site for excellent poems on each prompt. Better yet, come play with us!
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Oh my gosh! This is the funniest thing I've seen in a month of Sundays (what does that colloquialism mean?)
Sent to me by my friend and former boss, Bob S. Thanks, Bob...not quite sure what you meant by saying this might have been made of me...
The second cutest video this week:
This is a video of 9 month old Ethan that falls over laughing...from tearing up paper. I can't really tell if it's Ethan's laughter or his dad's delight at it that tickles me so much.
I sat and watched this about 3 times this morning, laughing uncontrollably myself.
Thank you, Ethan...whoever you are! May life continue to tickle and support you in laughing at it!
Technorati Tags: humor, children
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I have removed the bullet points from each of the ten 'to-do's' on this list so you'll go to Dave Pollard's site How to Save the World and read it all--every bit of it. So there. And then, either on Dave's site, or here, or both, write which are the ones you think are most important. My picks are # 7 and # 9. You can ask me to write more about it in the comments on this post...but only if you call out the ones you think are most important and why! ----Beth
Obama's Top Ten Tasks
Cartoon from the New Yorker by the late Charles Elmer Martin
I'm sure there will be many lists like this rolled out over the coming months, but here's my take on the most important things Obama needs to do over the next four years:
- Un-wrecking the Economy: We've had three decades of corporatism and cronyism run amok. Obama needs to...
- Restoring Civil Freedoms: In the interests of security, the US has become an arbitrary police state. Obama needs to...
- Restoring Environmental Protections: Hard to know where to start with this one, it's such a massive job. Obama needs to...
- Seriously Tackling Global Warming: The US needs to lead the way far beyond Kyoto. Obama needs to...
- Reducing Economic, Social and Political Inequality: The soaring inequality between rich and poor lies behind much of the malaise in the economy and the social fabric. It's been disguised by the massive borrowing of the poor, but that disguise is now coming off. Obama needs to...
- Ending the Wars: This one is simple. Obama needs to...
- Abandoning Colonialism: Colonialists believe that they have a better answer, politically, socially, economically, or religiously, than the people who live in another country, and should be able to impose that answer on them. It has never worked and never will. Obama needs to...
- Election and Campaign Reform: Obama needs to...
- Engaging the Citizens: Learned helplessness, fear and blind obedience have been the means by which Bush kept the people in line and off guard, while he robbed them blind and destroyed their reputation. Obama needs to...
- Picking the Right Team: BHO can't do it alone. He needs to pull together a team of bright, imaginative, courageous people. Maybe you're one of them. If so, make sure he knows.
Click here to read the entire, well-researched article Obama's top ten tasks on How to Save the World
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This is part 1 of 3 posts on redefining giving. Cross pollination between the for-profit/donor sector and the non-profit world is not only good but increasingly vital.
Part 2 will be about who is it we give to, anyway? It will be posted November 17.
Part 3 will be some creative small-dollar but high value gifting concepts, websites, stories. It will be posted November 24.
Yesterday in my office in a medium sized non-profit, I had a hallway conversation. It didn't mean much at the time, but as I've been thinking about this topic and preparing to write, the snippet came back to me.
The conversation basically went like this:
Beth: I'm not buying anything for holiday gifts. If I give something it will be hand-made or something practical and/or locally grown (like organic honey, dried lavender or homemade wine).
S: Homemade is good--that's what I always do!
Beth: I know, that's why we always like your gifts during our Secret Santa/Harry Hanukkah office tradition!
S: (sweetly demurs, but smiles).
Beth: Matter of fact, I'm not buying anything at all right now besides food and gas. And I hope I never do again...I know that is not possible, but the desire is not to consume--I have all I could ever need, barring replacing or fixing some things as they wear out (like shoes). I want this consumer crises we're in to end my personal consumer crisis forever.
S: Really? Hmm.

flickr: fluential
honey bee and lavender getting it on, like non-profits and for-profits could...
This kind of discussion/decision is not good for 'the economy'. Retailers in my city will be hard hit, and many of them who are hanging on for the hoped-for holiday buying will go out of business because there won't be much buying.
And if there's no buying/selling, eventually the non-profit sector runs out of support, as most of our donation dollars come from a few larger donors and corporate sponsorship and a lot of smaller donations from individuals and small businesses. When the stock market falters, the foundations that give grants are eventually impacted as well, as they give out a portion of the interest received from the capital they are gifted with to help non-profits provide services.
I've just spent the last month working furiously, with furrowed brow and disturbing dreams to help balance the budget of our non-profit, due to an expected 30-40% decrease in donations for 2009. There's nothing like working on the numbers, foreseeing the impact on staff that you care about and a cause that you have fought hard to expand to drive home the wisdom: we have to do this differently.
I don't have any answers, but a few questions coming from standing above the fray a little.
While we have been successful in building a balanced budget for 2009 for our organization, it's at best a precarious balance. The success or failure of our organization lie in 3 arenas:
- the organization making sure our core business is lean and green; how we go about doing our business is going to have to be ever-more efficient.
- donors that realize that when we say we rely on them, we mean it.
- meeting our customers' needs. We have many customers: the children and families we serve, our community partners who refer to us, and our donor base are primary ones. How do we best serve the diverse and changing needs of our community, including our donors, in an contracting environment?
The reason the tax codes have allowed for non-profits (or not-for-loss) organizations to be given non-taxed money is that it's supposedly a wash in the eyes of the funding streams and gives the system some sense that it is caring for the less hardy or fortunate in our communities. (This doesn't include churches, as they are tax-exempt for other reasons.)
The simplified version is this: If the government had to purchase the services that are supplied by non-profits they would likely spend considerably more to do so than the free-standing non-profits fund raise. So it's an assumed win-win for the government, the donors, the community and the non-profits (not sure which order that list goes in!).
Without going off on capitalism, the tax system or other inflammatory issues, I'd like to speak to the issue of non-profit fundraising and the giving that fuels it.
After spending most of my career in the non-profit world, I know a few things about it. One is that many non-profits are not good at being grateful and seem to assume that people give money for all the same reason: altruism. While most do give for this reason, there are many other reasons, and the cause for giving may be determined by multiple needs of the donor.
Altruism is based on the idea that in giving we receive, a cross-pollination in basic form. In that mutuality, there's something that flows between the giver and the receiver that may or may not be tangible. Included in the almost innate desire to help others is the need to feel good about that giving, and the need to feel that our carelessness, our desire to look the other way, our need to have our lives not impacted by poverty, addiction, abuse and despair are being balanced by our giving. So in essence, we are often giving to mollify some deep pain in our heart around family issues that span generations, or other deep-hearted issues that we can only deal with on a surface level. (See part 2 next week for more about these issues.)
I am so good with all that! Sheesh, we're human and we need a way to get some relief. What I'm also thinking is that we need to pull on something other than altruism to get us all through this economic dark night.
While I'm no g-man and I, like most people, feel that the IRS is a necessary evil, I've been wondering about how the tax system might be set up to allow the non-profits and the for-profits/donors to form a more perfect union.
There are already special tax code-driven donations such as the charitable remainder trust and the charitable lead trust, allowing the donor to give the non-profit/charity either the principle or the interest from an amount of money.
Definitions from wikipedia:
Charitable trusts may be set up during a donor's life or as a part of a trust or will at death (United States)
Charitable Remainder Trusts (CRT) are irrevocable structures established by a donor to provide an income stream to the income beneficiary, while the public charity or private foundation receives the remainder value when the trust terminates. These "split interest" trusts are defined in §664 of the Internal Revenue Code and are normally tax-exempt. A section 664 trust makes its payments, either of a fixed amount (CRAT - annuity trust §664(d)(1)(D)) or a percentage of trust principal (CRUT - unitrust), to whomever the donor chooses to receive income. Normally, the donor may claim a charitable income tax deduction, and may not have to pay an immediate capital gains tax when the CRT disposes of the appreciated asset and purchases other property as it diversifies its portfolio of trust property. At the end of the trust term, which may be based on either lives or a term of years, the charity receives whatever amount is left in the trust. Charitable Remainder Unitrusts (CRUT §664(d)(2)(D)- paying a fixed percentage) provide some flexibility in the distribution of income, and may be helpful in retirement planning, while Charitable Remainder Annuity Trusts (CRAT - paying a fixed dollar amount) are more rigid and usually appeal to much older donors unconcerned about inflation's impact on income distributions who are using cash or marketable securities to fund the trust.
Charitable Lead Trusts (CLT) make payments, either of a fixed amount (CLAT - annuity trust) or a percentage of trust principal (CLUT - unitrust), to charity during its term. At the end of the trust term, the remainder can either go back to the donor or to heirs named by the donor. The donor may sometimes claim a charitable income tax deduction or a gift/estate tax deduction for making a lead trust gift, depending on the type of CLT. Generally, a non-grantor lead trust does not generate a current income tax deduction, but it eliminates the asset (or part of the asset’s value) from the donor’s estate.
If the trust has qualified under laws such as Internal Revenue Code Section 501(c), donations to the trust may be deductible to an individual taxpayer or corporate donor.
What a great idea these 2 initiatives are! They are capitalistic and altruistic at the same time. What I've been ruminating about is: why aren't we as a society set up to do more of this type of investing in the work of the non-profit sector, this cross-pollination? Why does it have to be 'estate planning' that brings people to use these kinds of tax-shelters and important assists to the non-profits? Why can't these be set up for smaller amounts that are not currently in use--and make them revocable after 5 years or so, if that is the donor's wish.
Can we change the tax codes to help the community/donors more actively invest in the non-profit world, where there is more than good will and community services that come from the partnership? I'm convinced that there's a way, if the non-profit is solid and excellent at managing and investing funds that these partnerships could produce funding for both the donor and the non-profit.
Here's an article from the Association of Fundraising Professionals. It's about the resilience of philanthropy and how giving we are as a nation and how we continue to give even in our fear and distrust.
While we'll always be a generous people, we may need to get smarter, get into 'bed' with our non-profit and for-profit neighbors, in order to sustain both the services our community needs and the income to help our for-profits and donors thrive. Cross-pollination is a very good thing!
These are just some ideas swimming around in my brain--they may be budget-addled ideas, but they have some sound basis.
Would love your input.
http://www.afpnet.org/content_documents/resilient_philanthropy.pdf
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I think these are actually geese and not 'dox', but you get the picture.
If one plans to have baby-dox
it's easier to have a para-dox
but only because it takes an entire village to raise them.
Here's the real puzzle:
If a man raised in foreign places
can become president of these united states
why can't all people in love marry each other?

Paradox abounds.
Visit for a plethora of poems about the Nov. 9 prompt: paradox
One Single Impression is a community of poets writing and sharing haiku and other poetic forms. Each week a prompt is offered to our muses to see what they cook up! Please visit the site for excellent poems on each prompt. Better yet, come play with us!
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An Open Letter to Barack Obama
By Alice Walker | Commentary from The Root
Alice Walker on expectations, responsibilities and a new reality that is almost more than the heart can bear.

Nov. 5, 2008
Dear Brother Obama,
You have no idea, really, of how profound this moment is for us. Us being the black people of the Southern United States. You think you know, because you are thoughtful, and you have studied our history. But seeing you deliver the torch so many others before you carried, year after year, decade after decade, century after century, only to be struck down before igniting the flame of justice and of law, is almost more than the heart can bear. And yet, this observation is not intended to burden you, for you are of a different time, and, indeed, because of all the relay runners before you, North America is a different place. It is really only to say: Well done. We knew, through all the generations, that you were with us, in us, the best of the spirit of Africa and of the Americas. Knowing this, that you would actually appear, someday, was part of our strength. Seeing you take your rightful place, based solely on your wisdom, stamina and character, is a balm for the weary warriors of hope, previously only sung about.
I would advise you to remember that you did not create the disaster that the world is experiencing, and you alone are not responsible for bringing the world back to balance. A primary responsibility that you do have, however, is to cultivate happiness in your own life. To make a schedule that permits sufficient time of rest and play with your gorgeous wife and lovely daughters. And so on. One gathers that your family is large. We are used to seeing men in the White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family deserve this fate. One way of thinking about all this is: It is so bad now that there is no excuse not to relax. From your happy, relaxed state, you can model real success, which is all that so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, or barely manage, but this is because it is not yet clear to them that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the reach of almost everyone.
I would further advise you not to take on other people's enemies. Most damage that others do to us is out of fear, humiliation and pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us who profess a certain religious or racial devotion. We must learn actually not to have enemies, but only confused adversaries who are ourselves in disguise. It is understood by all that you are commander in chief of the United States and are sworn to protect our beloved country; this we understand, completely. However, as my mother used to say, quoting a Bible with which I often fought, "hate the sin, but love the sinner." There must be no more crushing of whole communities, no more torture, no more dehumanizing as a means of ruling a people's spirit. This has already happened to people of color, poor people, women, children. We see where this leads, where it has led.
A good model of how to "work with the enemy" internally is presented by the Dalai Lama, in his endless caretaking of his soul as he confronts the Chinese government that invaded Tibet. Because, finally, it is the soul that must be preserved, if one is to remain a credible leader. All else might be lost; but when the soul dies, the connection to earth, to peoples, to animals, to rivers, to mountain ranges, purple and majestic, also dies. And your smile, with which we watch you do gracious battle with unjust characterizations, distortions and lies, is that expression of healthy self-worth, spirit and soul, that, kept happy and free and relaxed, can find an answering smile in all of us, lighting our way, and brightening the world.
We are the ones we have been waiting for.
In Peace and Joy, Alice Walker
© 2008, Alice Walker
(Note: italics and emphasis are mine. --Beth )
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This post is part of a synchroblog of Christian bloggers writing this month about leadership, just in time for the election.
In thinking about this post, my mind ranged over all the leadership books I've read, trainings and team work that I've had the privilege to participate in over the 30 years in the world of work. In addition, opportunities in seminary to talk, read and study about church leadership were seminal. Nothing I've heard or read has been more powerful in focusing and challenging me around leadership than some of the stanzas from the Tao te Ching. The poetic rhythm, the double entendres, the clarity of the metaphors and the humility of the spirit of these words have been beacons for thousands of years and for probably millions of people. While this is a Christian synchroblog, I can imagine Lao tzu and Jesus having a walk-and-talk and experiencing great silence and spirited laughter together, sharing their deep humility and understanding of the human condition.
Taoist ethics emphasize compassion, moderation, and humility. Taoist thought focuses on health, longevity, immortality, wu wei (non-action) and spontaneity. Here are the Tao te Ching stanzas that have both rattled and unchained me.

A leader is best When people barely know that he exists, Not so good when people obey and acclaim him, Worst when they despise him. 'Fail to honor people, They fail to honor you;' But of a good leader, who talks little, When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, They will all say, 'We did this ourselves.'
One of the formative teachers in my hospice career taught about the true, underlying goal for any hospice team. What the team works toward is the family and friends being able to individually and collectively say after their beloved has died: "I did what I could not have thought possible." This perspective takes the hospice team out of the picture other than to be the support for this process. This way of engaged non-action increases our awe of the capacity of humans and the power of love. I loved, learned, and taught and still teach this principle.

Leaders should not seek power or status; people will not then crave power or status. If scarce goods are not valued highly, people will have no need to steal them. If there is nothing available to arouse passion, people will remain content and satisfied.
This passage on the power of non-resistance has stood me in good stead during times in my administrative life when I have felt pushed into a position or into a place of reactivity. When I have been able to live into this passage, amazing openings have happened. When I have not lived into it, conflict has escalated. I especially like the part about 'if scarce goods are not valued highly people will have no need to steal them'. This a clear and nuanced stance for the leader: Able to vision beyond the moment of greed, desperation or fear of losing what we think we have to see that the real need is for peace and harmonious relations--far more valuable than any commodity.

The truly wise do lead by instilling humility and open-mindedness, by providing for fair livelihoods, by discouraging personal ambition, by strengthening the bone-structure of the people.
The wise avoid evil and radical reform; thus the foolish do not obstruct them. They work serenely, with inner quiet.
These have been hard lessons. I have tended to be a bit of a reformer and have thus stirred some obstruction. I am learning through patient teachers and wise leaders that the best way to the heart of the matter may be through assuming nothing, knowing precious little, assuming that intentions, including my own, are not ever pure, and being as open to the moment as possible. The 'strengthening the bone-structure of the people' line puzzles and somehow enlightens me. My current interpretation of that phrase is: strong infra-structure based on willingness to bend,grow and develop as the needs of the organism demand is where the vitality of any family, church, organization or country lies.
And so, here we are on the eve of the election. I've voted, by mail, here in Oregon. I'm no longer nervous about the outcome: it is what it is. I am no longer resisting, and am actually serene about whatever the future may bring for the leadership of the US. My bone-structure is being strengthened (whatever that means, I'm pretty sure it's happening). I pray for a leader who gets this: physicists do not need mysticism, and mystics do not need physics, but humanity needs both. I pray for a leader who knows that only in being the river will we accomplish the Herculean tasks ahead of us. I pray for a leader that has the courage of his contradictions. I pray for a leader that understands more than he knows, and can help us get over ourselves.
Check out the other blogs on this synchroblog on leadership, if you dare:
Jonathan Brink - Letter To The President
Adam Gonnerman - Aspiring to the Episcopate
Kai - Leadership - Is Servant Leadership a Broken Model?
Sally Coleman - In the world but not of it- servant leadership for the 21st Century Church
Alan Knox - Submission is given not taken
Joe Miller - Elders Lead a Healthy Family: The Future
Cobus van Wyngaard - Empowering leadership
Steve Hayes - Servant leadership
Geoff Matheson - Leadership
John Smulo - Australian Leadership Lessons
Helen Mildenhall - Leadership
Tyler Savage - Moral Leadership - Is it what we need?
Bryan Riley - Leading is to Listen and Obey
Susan Barnes - Give someone else a turn!
Liz Dyer - A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Polls
Bill Ellis - Spiritual Leadership and the Re-humanizing of the World
Julie Clawson- Leadership Expectations

The Tao of Leadership by John Heider
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Every 2 years (even numbered) in August, Brussels put on a display like none other.
Thousands of begonias are put into a floral displays in the Grand Place of Brussels, Thursday, August 14, 2008. The display will last for three days in an event that is held every two years. This summer, the magnificent design of the flower carpet on the Market Square has drawn inspiration from 18th century French patterns. (Photo: AP Photo/Thierry Charlier)
See the rest of the CBS News photo essay here. I searched for a good YouTube video on this work of art, but couldn't find anything better than these lovely stills.
Isn't this grand? Something else to go to Europe for...in 2010.
Technorati Tags: Brussels, art, Europe
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Mother Theresa talked about loving the dying, the poor and the broken of spirit as if they were the Christ in one of his many distressing disguises.
what the heck was that?
what just flew in front of my car?
was it...you know, a witch?
was it...an owl?
was it some huge bat ready to suck my blood if I would
only roll down the window?
or was it some day-bird in disguise
trying to pretend,
but lacking that special x-ray night vision?
Missed whatever it was by heart-stopping smidgeon.

Pulse back to normal, dry-mouthed.
Thinking about guise and disguise
Camouflage and transparency.
What if I only flew in the night if I could see in the dark?
What if I only flew in the day if I weren't blinded by the sun?
Would life be diminished
if I never disguised my real intentions?
Maybe we're all just distressing disguises cloaking the big juicy mess of our
completely human and completely divine 'bad selves'.
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Visit for a plethora of poems about the Nov. 2 prompt: disguise
One Single Impression is a community of poets writing and sharing haiku and other poetic forms. Each week a prompt is offered to our muses to see what they cook up! Please visit the site for excellent poems on each prompt. Better yet, come play with us!
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"Our destiny is found on the path we take to avoid it."--none other than that ancestral mentor to many, Carl Jung
Hallowed E'en, All Saints Day and All Souls Day, October 31 - November 2, are Christian holy days devoted to our relationship with ancestors. During this time of the year the veil between worlds is thin and we can seek to understand and evolve our relationship with those who have brought us to existence and have now have passed from our sight.
For the purpose of the post, we are referring to our human ancestors, although we have many other kinds, including animals who have formed us (they could be attached through generations before we were born), trees, mountains, etc.

Established in 1850, Oakland Historical Cemetery is Atlanta's oldest cemetery. The Lion of Atlanta rests over an undetermined number of Confederate soldiers buried beneath. Check out Wayfaring Wanderer's current post on a Stroll Through Oakland Cemetery for a great photo montage of this historic, beautiful cemetery.
Two Septembers ago in 2006 I traveled to Eugene, Oregon with my dear friend Krayna, (who is also a blogger on the Virtual Tea House) to engage with a synagogue around the High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. (Krayna calls them the 'High Ho's' but I'm not intimate enough yet with them to nickname them!) While not Jewish myself I have more than a little love, honor and admiration for the ancestral lineage between Judaism and my 'home' religion of Christianity. Religious home base is where we travel out from to explore and engage, for enlightenment and deeper understanding of our roots. So it's natural for me that I spend time beginning to understand Judaism, not from a book, but with people who live and breathe it.
On this trip, several impactful things happened, including a dream. The impetus for the dream was an experience that I had standing in the back of the synagogue after the service looking at the names of those who had died as part of the Jewish community there in Eugene. The candles/lights were lit for people who had died 40, 50 and 60 years before this date. There were the Jewish years on the plaques as well as some Julian calendar dates. I stood in awe and heard echoing through my mind a Jewish proverb that I'd come across years before while working in hospice grief groups: "You're never dead until you're forgotten." A spaciousness opened under my feet and above my head as I experienced the names of those-who-are-not-forgotten, and knew that teenaged Christianity has much to learn from our 'parent', Judaism, about honoring those who have brought us to this plane of existence.
The dream I had that night showed me that my hesitation to connect with ancestors was around fear that some of the darkness of my family's past would flood and overwhelm me. The dream did an 'ancestral alignment' (sort of like a chiropractic spine twist, only different...) so that I saw that the ancestors as I knew them don't exist. These are living, growing, vibrant beings, living on a different level, but very much alive, and while vastly different from who they were 'here', are still connected to this level and willing to help us if we are open to it. Note: If you read the link highlighted above about my ancient Grandmother, know that she died on October 15th in 2001..the threshold for this time of the year, it would seem.
I came across an article this morning from a blog by Lynn Jericho called The Inner Year about ways to connect with our ancestors. I reworked some of Lynn's great ideas and insights into this post.
- Engage with the dead. Relate to them with a reverent and open heart. Call out their names to let them know you remain connected to their being. (Not to the memory of their earthly existence, as this may trap us in the idea of these souls being what we thought they were...probably incomplete before death and certainly after death!). Even though they have disappeared, we still sense the ongoing growth of their soul and even occasionally their desire to connect with us.
- Being aware that ancestors live on beyond the threshold of death, and indeed may live exactly where we do, just on another level of consciousness, helps us reach out--or is it in--to them.
- Visit local cemeteries often--even if you don't have family buried there. The energy of these places helps open closed doors to ancestral energies. (I have some I always visit when I'm in the 'hood: 2 in upstate New York, where my physical ancestors are buried for several generations; 1 in outback Colorado just because I love it--out there in the aspens; 1 here in Bend, Oregon where I walk my dog in the early morning hours.)
- It's not a mistake that the changing of the light brings us closer to the threshold of where we can connect with ancestral energies. If we did not have electricity, we would be dependent on the soft glow of candlelight after nightfall. The flickering shadows at the edge of candlelight gives us a sense that the dead are living nearby. Consider using candles often and with joy!
- During these festival days of the dead, do our best to resist the soul-killing energy of the mechanical and technical world. Find our way to the life of spiritual perception and sensitivity. Keep our thoughts pulsing with newness and the depth that our ancestors can bring to us. Ancestors seem to connect with living thoughts. They cannot experience mechanistic thoughts, addictive or habitual thoughts, or thoughts that lack our own spiritual creativity.
- Talk to the ancestors! Tell them about your need for their wisdom and perspective. Expect them to answer your call, but usually not in the way you expect!
- Read aloud a passage from a sacred text, listening to it through the ears of your ancestors. Read with your heart, not just your head. As you read aloud from a sacred text, feel the spiritual nourishment. Sacred texts feed both the living and the dead. You share a meaningful spiritual meal with your loved ones.
- In sleep, our souls are freed from the limitations of space and time.Pay particular attention to your dreams from about mid-October through Thanksgiving time. The veil between worlds is thinner and our ancestors may try to connect through this more readily available mode. Call out the names of the dead nightly as you drift to sleep. Calling out the names of the dead before asleep, is a way of saying “Here we come for a visit and a cup of tea!”
Clearer perspective, commitment to living our lives more consciously, a sense of seeing our lives as part of a much bigger mystery, and a sense of emotional balance are just some of the benefits of consciously connecting with our ancestors. The more we connect with the ancestors in their continuing life, the more alive be become.
These practices also are also helpful to 'practicing our dying' so that when our time comes to make that shift, we're already keyed in to the next, the other, way of being.
If we're never dead until we're forgotten--let's remember with humility, grace, honesty and consistency those who have gone before us. Let's bring the depths of our longings, fears and challenges to interact with those whose spiritual and sometimes genetic lineage we share. They have wisdom that can help us find our way to the third way, the path of least resistance. Their wisdom can help us obtain the level of consciousness that Einstein connected with: a different one from the one on which we made and continue to make the problems we face.
A favorite Hafez poem sums up what I pray those in the next generations--the ones I am ancestor to--will say summed up my life:
One regret, dear world
That I am determined not to have
When I am lying on my deathbed
is that
I did not kiss you enough.

Staying Connected: How to continue our relationships with those who have died by Rudolf Steiner
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dried dull yellow big leaf maple
bouncing and skittering
backside up
on legs I can't understand
following me
dancing the unpredictable wind into
my heart as gift
gorgeous scarlet vine leaf maple
doesn't dance as well
and the exquisite tiny yellow weeping birch leaf
doesn't dance at all
they bring different gifts
I can't figure out if life is a gift to be slowly unwrapped, almost like a strip tease
Or a puzzle to be put together backside up so you can't see the picture.
* 'ees a puzzlement' --the King of Siam trying to figure out Anna

This week's submission for One Single Impression (prompt 35): Gift

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del.icio.us Tags: autumn, gift, puzzle
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First, the definition of psychopomp, from wikipedia:
Many religious belief systems have a particular spirit, angel or deity whose responsibility is to escort newly-deceased souls to the afterlife. These creatures are called psychopomps, from the Greek word ψυχοπομπός (psychopompos), literally meaning the "guide of souls". Their role is not to judge the deceased, but simply provide safe passage. Frequently depicted on funerary art, psychopomps have been associated at different times and in different cultures with horses, whippoorwills, ravens, owls, dogs, crows, sparrows, and dolphins.
In Jungian psychology, the psychopomp is a mediator between the unconscious and conscious realms. It is symbolically personified in dreams as a wise man (or woman), or sometimes as a helpful animal. In many cultures, the shaman also fulfills the role of the psychopomp. This may include not only accompanying the soul of the dead, but also vice versa: to help at birth, to introduce the newborn's soul to the world. This also accounts for the contemporary title of "midwife to the dying," which is another form of psychopomp work.
During this season of heightened activity of the ancestral spirits, you may be taught in unusual ways about living our dying. One way of being taught is through our dream states, which begin to wake us up to the activity around death and dying as we head into fall and winter and particularly towards Hallowed E'en and All Saints Day. Here's a dream I had several years ago during this time of the year.
Dream title: Dreams should always be this much fun
October 21, 2002, early am
In Phoenix (I think this is a play on words, later on reflection, relating to the fire-bird). I live there (never have lived in the literal Phoenix in ‘this’ reality). I’m living in an artistic community. I’m searching for something in a large building up on a balcony, looking down on a showroom floor, overlooking many rooms without ceilings. It's like looking down into a mock-up of a large home, without ceilings. No people, but interesting colors and furniture.
Then, I’m in the rooms, exploring, enjoying the curious themes and textures: brights, earthy, etc. As I leave one of the rooms, the furniture starts to follow me! It stops when I turn around and look at it. I am delighted and play with the furniture.
Next scene: I am at somebody’s house that I have been searching for. They are an old white-haired couple and are in twin beds. I apologize profusely, from the door of their bedroom, for my intrusion. They laugh like they expected me. Then these little psychopomp-things start jumping (in the dream it’s my energy that enlivens them first and only then do they enliven the so-called inanimate objects in the environment). They jump up and touch the old folks’ bathrobes, which then come alive, fly onto the beds and start tickling and wrestling with the people, who are delighted. I am still apologizing, even while I’m laughing. Then we go to the kitchen to fix breakfast, and I’m setting the table and the china starts following me around like the furniture had! I am delighted and giggling as I wake up.
I've done a fair amount of work with this dream, and there are, as in any dream, multiple layers of meaning; the one that I want to highlight for this post is about the work of the psychopomps to help me enjoy the sexuality and the sensuality of the old people in this dream, and to help me delight in the inanimate objects vitality! It's the work of our ancestral energies, which are both called to us, and come un-called, that helps us do the work of 'winter'--the growing delight in letting go of outworn ideas, concepts and beliefs, to prepare us for death, so that when it is our time for physical death, we've practiced it so well that it's like falling off a log, literally!
In this vein, it was a delight to see what my new friend, Phil Wyman over at Square No More blog and The Gathering (church) in Salem, Massachusetts is up to this week. Phil is a Pentecostal minister that both calls himself and is called 'a friend with witches'. Although some of his theology leaves me puzzled (maybe because I don't yet understand it) I love his heart and his desire to see life-and death in ever-bigger terms.
Phil doesn't believe in or live from the place that the gospel is about drawing the circle into 'who's-in-who's-out'. And because of that, he has befriended some pretty counter-cultural (to most Christians anyway!) groups and characters. My observation of Phil after several months of being a regular reader and commenter on his blog, as well as now participating in a regular SynchroBlog with him and other out of the box Christians (watch for the next edition on "Leadership" being posted at sites near you on election day, November 4) that Phil leads the way in emergent Christianity.
That being said, I'll follow him around, asking questions, sniffing for whiffs of judgement. So far, notta.
Phil's very busy over there in Salem this week, what with Hallowed E'en upon us and all that happens in his 'hood around the celebration of the coming of darkness, Innana, and the like. I wish I was there--it sounds like a whole lot of fun! He posted this post earlier this week. In it he ties the worlds-bridging work of shamanism to glossalalia ('speaking in tongues') so honored and core in the Pentecostal traditions. He goes a little far for me (I'm probably not quite there yet...wait up, Phil) but it's worth a read and some serious reflection. Please feel free to post a comment at Square No More...or here on the Virtual Tea House.

Relief from a carved funerary lekythos at Athens: Hermes as psychopomp conducts the deceased, Myrrhine, to Hades, ca 430-420 BCE (National Archaeological Museum of Athens)
From Square No More:
Glossalalia and the Sacred Language of the Shaman: Christians as Pre-Mortem Psychopomps:
"Communication with the spirits beyond the curtain of our visible/audible/tangible world is a skill belonging to the most spiritual, and perhaps the most insane among us. Those who hear the voices of gods and goddesses, angels and demons, ancestors and ghosts have been revered, feared, and ridiculed through ages and cultures of human history.
"These holy men and women appear to see and hear things the average person does not. Sometimes with the senses, sometimes beyond their senses they experience a tie to a realm invisible to human eyes, and inaudible to human ears.
"What distinguished these holy people from the common public was not only having ears and eyes, which perceive things most people do not, but even their speech hearkened the unseen realm. These mystics of the other world spoke the language of the spirits, and their communication traveled in both directions. They heard the secrets of the heaven and hell, and somehow spoke the secrets in languages unknown to the uninitiated." Read the rest of the post here: Square No More: Glossalalia and The Sacred Language of the Shaman: Christians as Pre-Mortem Psychopomps
Wow...lots to chew on here for the coming winter. We may be skinny as a mother bear when we come out of our cave in the spring, but we'll have some phenomenal dreams and visions by ingesting this stuff!
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As we come up on 'All Hallows Ev'n', maybe I'll dress as a water-witch and see if people can guess what I am. I'm thinking: willow twigs and crystal pendulums, over a flesh-colored body suit, of course.
Or maybe this is a better post for "Dia De Los Muertos" or at least All Souls Day. It's definitely about spiritual ancestry. In any case, I've come by at least part of my weirdness by ancestral default.
My great-grandpa, Merritt 'Met' Rosenkrans was a water-witch, a dowser. I never met him as he died a few years before I was born, but my mother (he was her grandfather-in-law) was very close to him and told me lots of 'Grandpa Met' stories as a child.
One such story was that he wore cloves of garlic in a pouch around his neck all his life, saying that they kept him from getting sick. While my parents' generation poo-pooed such ideas as old-fashioned or superstitious, it is now established in alternative healing circles that garlic has documented antibiotic and antifungal properties. The family legend goes that at the age of 94, Grandpa Met fell on ice and broke his hip and was forced by his family to go to the hospital for the first time in his long life. The hospital insisted that he remove his garlic pouch, he promptly got pneumonia and died.
In addition to being a traditional medicinalist, Grandpa Met had psychic gifts. My mother would send shivers down my eight year old spine as she told stories of his ability to know what was happening in places where his body was not located. He knew about accidents that had happened before they were discovered and actually told about accidents that were yet to happen and consequently did. He was once used by the police to help find a murder victim's body that was eluding them.
So it comes as no surprise that Grandpa Met was a water-witch by trade. I have never given it much thought, but as I read in the New York Times the following article by Jesse McKinley about Phil Stine, a 77 year old dowser in California's Central Valley, I began to think about the whole idea of dowsing.
What with the extreme changes in climate, and the fact that my father (Grandpa Met's grandson) had moderate success as a dowser as a young man, maybe it's a line of intuition that is hereditary and I could make my fame and fortune with latent skill and the artistry of listening to the parched land and to the hesitant and wary water.
One thing's for certain: in a decade, water will not be a commodity. In fact, some say that water shortages will be more profound than energy shortages.
Although I'm writing this article a bit tongue in cheek, there's a part of me that is serious: I wonder if the ability to find water came down through the genetic and ancestral lines to me?
Here's the full New York Times article, dated October 8, 2008
On Parched Farms, Using Intuition to Find Water


Phil Stine walks a grid pattern with Frank Assazi in search of water with the aid of a Y-shaped willow stick on Mr. Assazi's land in Merced, Calif.
WATERFORD, Calif. — Phil Stine is not crazy, or possessed, or even that special, he says. He has no idea how he does what he does. From most accounts, he does it very well.
“Phil finds the water,” said Frank Assali, an almond farmer and convert. “No doubt about it.”
Mr. Stine, you see, is a “water witch” one of a small band of believers for whom the ancient art of dowsing is alive and well.
Emphasis, of course, on well. Using nothing more than a Y-shaped willow stick, Mr. Stine has as his primary function determining where farmers should drill to slake their crops’ thirst, adding an element of the mystical to a business where the day-to-day can often be painfully plain.
Asked how he does it, Mr. Stine has a standard retort.
“I just tell people,” Mr. Stine said, “it’s the amount of lead” in your haunches.
Scientists pooh-pooh dowsers like Mr. Stine, saying their abilities are roughly on par with a roll of the dice. But witches have been much in demand of late in rural California, the nation’s biggest agricultural engine, struggling through its second year of drought.
The dry period has resulted in farm layoffs, restrictions on residential and agricultural water use, and hard times for all manner of ancillary businesses, like tractor dealerships and roadside diners.
“There is a domino effect to the point that a little clothing store goes out of business in a town, because the people living there move on,” said Doug Mosebar, the president of the California Farm Bureau.
The state estimates nearly $260 million in crop damages through August. The drought has been particularly hard on areas like the Central Valley, the state’s 400-mile-long farming basin, and in Southern California, where some avocado farmers have taken to stumping their trees, cutting them back to the base rather than watering them. Statewide, farmers have left nearly 80,000 acres fallow rather than struggle — and pay handsomely — to keep them irrigated.
The dry times have meant good business for people like Blake Hennings, a well-driller in the Central Valley city of Turlock, who says he has a lengthy waiting list and a yard full of worn-down drill bits. At a recent job he dug five test holes, all of which had been identified by a water witch like Mr. Stine.
“We only had one bad one,” said Mr. Hennings, whose brother Curtis also dabbles with the dowser. “How they do it is beyond me.”
How many rural witches are still around is an open question. Water witches have no trade unions — or covens. Few advertise, or dowse full time.
Mr. Stine, for example, offers his services without charge, though he says he does accept thanks of another sort. “I got a bunch of gift certificates,” he said.
Dowsers have been part of lore for millenniums, and many on the farm today have no doubt they have special abilities. Richard Cotta, the chief executive of California Dairies, a Central Valley cooperative, said he vividly remembered the first time he saw a witch.
“I was 6 years old,” Mr. Cotta recalled. “A neighbor’s well had gone dry, and this old fellow came out and he witched it, quite a ways away from the other well. Doggone it, I’ll be darned if they didn’t get water. That made a believer out of me.”
So much of a believer, in fact, that Mr. Cotta recently walked away from a land deal because Mr. Stine said there was no water to be found. “He said he couldn’t find enough water to do what we wanted,” Mr. Cotta said.
Thomas Harter, a hydrologist at the University of California, Davis, who runs workshops with farmers looking to drill wells, said there was no scientific evidence that dowsers had special talent at finding water. They are, however, usually much cheaper than the various scientific tools, like electromagnetic imaging or seismic studies, that can help find aquifers.
“It’s worth a bottle of whiskey to have a guy come out,” Dr. Harter said.
But Dr. Harter also said men like Mr. Stine, who worked in the irrigation business for nearly half a century, could have an intuitive sense of where water was, simply by dint of knowing the territory.
In the Central Valley, which was once the bottom of a giant inland lake that water soaked into for eons, finding groundwater for domestic use is pretty easy, Dr. Harter said. But Mr. Stine’s efforts are reserved for agricultural wells, which need to produce much more water and sometimes can run 1,000 feet deep.
Mr. Stine is 77 and retired from a successful irrigation business here in Waterford, a town of about 7,000 on the banks of a slender section of the Tuolumne River, the same river from which he now cuts his willow branches.
What does he look for in a good dowsing rod?
“It’s got to have leaves on it, and it can’t really be bigger than your finger,” Mr. Stine said. “And you got to find one with a fork in it.”
He says he was taught his dark arts many years back by a fellow irrigator who used a metal coat hanger and a hard hat to dowse.
“He used a metal rod and wore a metal hat, and that thing would hit his head,” Mr. Stine said. “So he always wore that hat.”
The American Society of Dowsers, an organization based in Vermont, claims more than 3,000 members who use various tools — pendulums, L-shaped rods, bobbers — on all manner of mystery, finding minerals and lost objects, and even attaining “ancient wisdom,” according to the group’s Web site.
“Dowsing is a system that uses tools,” said George Weller, the society’s national president. “And the tools give you an answer.”
Mr. Stine, a plain-spoken Baptist, claims no connection with a higher power or otherworldly sensations when dowsing, merely a strong tugging in the hands. “You can feel it twist,” he said. “You can’t hang on to it. It will actually break in your hand.”
On an afternoon not long ago, Mr. Stine was summoned to a parched patch of earth outside Merced, Calif., owned by Mr. Assali and Mr. Cotta.
Mr. Stine’s process is simple: walk the eastern edge of the property with the willow held straight up. When it bends toward him, he marks the spot with a flag and keeps walking. If he gets two or three in quick succession, he is convinced there is a stream somewhere underfoot.
On Mr. Assali’s and Mr. Cotta’s land, Mr. Stine worked fast, practically speed-walking. And then, after about 150 feet, the willow bowed suddenly — inexplicably — toward Mr. Stine’s chest.
“There it goes,” he said, his hands straining against the stick.
“It’s got to have leaves on it, and it can’t really be bigger than your finger,” Mr. Stine said. “And you got to find one with a fork in it.”
And so it went, again and again as Mr. Stine moved along the property’s perimeter, planting perhaps 20 flags. Mr. Assali said he would start drilling on Mr. Stine’s recommendation as soon as he could.

From wikipedia:
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